Day 5 - Three things you miss.

1. Out-of-school friends
2. Him
3. Those wonderful, wonderful memories of...everything.

Day 4 - Four things you wish you could say, but might never.

1. Did you really think it would not get back to me? I was madder than hell to find out that you were behind the insanity, the gossip and the rumor, but I forgive you because I realize it all worked out for the best. Now? Now I am just sad for you.
2. I’m sorry. Really sorry.
3. I wish I could understand why you did the things you did to me. I tried so hard not to be resentful or bitter to you because that hurts me more than you, but I am still struggling with it. You hurt me down to the soul. Do you have any idea how much you hurt me? Do you even care?
4. I wish you had the heart to tell me what you think of me - Sometimes I can't stand being absent-minded. I know you do it too, but make it more obvious to me. Oh what am I kidding, I don't even know if you feel the same..

Day 3 - Five songs you like.

1. Enrique Iglesias - I like It
2. Maribelle Anes Ft Lil Crazed - Honestly
3. ELO - Strange Magic
4. Bruno Mars - Just The Way You Are
5. Natalie - Going Crazy

I would much rather prefer to be called ‘beautiful’ instead of ‘hot’. If a guy called me ‘pretty’, ‘gorgeous’ or ‘beautiful’, it shows that they care about me and sincerely mean it.
Whereas if they were to call me hot, I get the impression that they only want a ‘hook-up’ or to get into my pants.
There’s no doubt that on particular days I’d prefer to look ‘sexy’ than pretty, but overall, I think I’d prefer to be or complimented as beautiful because, to me, it not only compliments my physical attributes, but also my personality.
Being called pretty seems a whole lot more sincere than being called sexy or hot. I don’t want to be labelled as a piece of meat.

''Enjoy the little things in life 'cause those are what make up the bigger things in the future.''

Worst Feelings in the World

Crying yourself to sleep
Not knowing who to trust
Questioning your purpose on this world
Feeling like you’re not good enough
Disappointing people you love
Remembering memories that left you hurt for a long time
Feeling like no one understands you
Being treated the way you don’t deserve
Feeling you’re standing alone on your own
Thinking everything is going wrong
People rejecting to give you forgiveness
Having someone hold a grudge against you
Bottling up your emotions
Being unable to relieve your stress
Fucking up so bad

Love the life you live, so you can live the life you love.

Day 2 - Six things you l♥ve.

1. Family♥
2. Best and close friends♥
3. Him♥
4. Photography and ZUMBA♥
5. Food♥
6. Singing♥

Day 1 - Seven things that cross your mind a lot

1. I wonder what the future holds for my family and myself
2. How can I help the rest of the world?
3. It sucks that he doesn't know I have feelings for him
4. Will I ever overcome my fears?
5. I'm hopeless at being fit..
6. When will my family and I get jackpot...?
7. Will I ever stay in touch with the friends I'm with now?

7 Day Challenge
Day 1 - Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day 2 - Six things you love.
Day 3 - Five songs you like.
Day 4 - Four things you wish you could say, but might never.
Day 5 - Three things you miss.
Day 6 - Two things you want.
Day 7 - One story of a memory you have.

You never know when to stop, do you?

I feel flusted at the moment. Yes, right now. I don't know if I can cope with all these consequences that have been happening lately, or is just me having to be paranoid of things...hmm yeah, whatfuckingever. People these days are acting like a complete douche(not to the ones that are close to me, so don't get offended).

Today, there were two people who ticked me off - badly. That little girl-(farrout, I wish I never started talking to her) I was on my laptop revising for the art test during roll call. Out of no where she repeatedly says 'stop looking at porn!'. I'm not overreacting about it, it may not be the same what she said, but tis definitely similar to something like that. Seriously,what the fuck? You can't watch fucking porn at school, and no, I didn't search, it's fucking common knowledge. I know you're in year 7, but that's very immature of you to butt in and say something rude like that

One of them-Seriously, if you're going to ask someone for an opinion of something, don't fucking disagree to me to what I say. What's the point of asking me if you're just going to disagree. I really don't like it when you think you're right. Even if you don't think it's true, you're implying to it, so stop. I respect you and care for you, but stop..please. I know you won't but please make an effort in doing so.

Thanks.

I don't feel complete yet - All I need is you, forever for the rest of my life, because you make me happy, even when my whole day feels utterly horrible. Whenever I talk to you, I feel a lot better. Oh wish you could be my date for the formal, but you have your own formal coming up real soon. I would love to share the night with you, and only you. But the thing is, I'm always having doubts about you, not having the same feelings back for me.

Maybe I should forget about the cons and think about the pros, because that was in the past. I know that it would be a lot better this time, if we give it a second go.

When you constantly can't stop thinking of him. When you wait for him to go online, or when you wait for a phone call or when you wait for a text. When you see something and it reminds you of him. When you talk about him to your friends, a lot. When you start to read over messages, saved conversations or you replay moments of your life with him in your head. When you realise that when you're out, you look around to see if you "accidentally" bump into him. When you hope to talk late that night again, like you two would used to. When you realise your friends get sick of you talking about him. When you want to hug him again, or kiss him, or just be with him. When you listen to songs and you think "This was our song." When you go somewhere and you reminisce on what happened there with him. When you think of him before you go to sleep. That's when you know you miss him.

I want you to fucking choose me. You don't know how much I want you. I wish I had the courage to say this to you, not just on a blog. Maybe it's not the time to start things, but I'm waiting for the right time, which is probably 2 years from now. That's when I can tell my family, and stop hiding things from them...especially about relationships, but I wonder...if you would ever do the same for me?

My mind and heart...i don't know if it's confusing me or not. Do you like someone else? Do you? Please show me a sign...because I don't want be hurt like this. I'm not afraid to love, but what I'm afraid of is that, I'd be hurt the same way as before.

I don't know why I'm crying - THIS SHOWS HOW MUCH I WANT YOU! I DON'T WANT ANYONE ELSE TO BE WITH YOU! I WANT TO SAY THIS TO YOU SO MUCH, SO MUCH THAT I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR YOU, ANYTHING TO WIN YOUR HEART BACK AGAIN! I DON'T FUCKING CARE IF I'M BEING SELFISH OR NOT. YOU WERE THE ONE THAT MADE ME FEEL WHOLE. I WOULD LOVE TO GO BACK FRO THAT DAY WHERE SOMETHING HAD FUCKED UP.

I felt as thought back then, we were like souldmates, though we had minor arguments, but that's okay with me.

I want to break free, to be able to walk up to you and tell you how I feel about you.
But now's not the time. I know the time's not right yet. I want to wait, because I know, I know that I will be more confident when we're both out of school, you'll be first to leave - now that's the scary part..

You know why it's scary? Because I'm scared that once you've leave high school, you will find someone out there...you wouldn't know how heartbreaking it would to know that you would be with someone else. But I will fight for you, I can't always depend on you. I need to stand up for myself, and be strong. I want to be independent. Right now, I hope that we stay in touch, though we don't talk as much, but I will try my best.

________, you are the one I want to spend my life forever and ever. If you do not feel the same way, I understand - I understand that you've moved on and does not want to rewind back to that day. As long as you're happy, than, I'm happy too. But, I still want you. I adore your eyes, your smile, your cute dimples, everything. To me, in my eyes, you are perfect for me. I don't care what others would say about you. It's my choice, and not theirs. If they're willing to support me, then yes, I'm fine with it. It's going to killme how I won't be able to peek on you this year and the following years. You'll be graduating year 12 in exactly 3 MORE WEEKS - I can't believe time has passed by. I'm probably going to cry my freaking eyes out..I'm so so so glad to have met you, and it's all thanks to _______. Without her, I wouldn't have been able to meet someone as amazing as you. I hope to see you again once you have graduated high school. I hope you are glad to meet me too.

But, if you choose to not give it a second time round, I guess it's fine, I mean it wouldn't ruin our friendship right? Though, I would be sad....

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down, probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things and old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back...

My worst nightmare...

That one day, any girl will take my spot. That one day a girl will sit with you, laugh with you, smile with you, & have a good time with you. That one day a girl will realized that you’re amazing. That one day that girl becomes your girlfriend. That one day she takes my spot for good. That one day you will forget about me because you’re busy thinking about her. Yeah, that scares me the most. Because, I want to be that girl. I want to be the only girl. I don’t want anyone to take my spot. Why? Because, if anyone takes my spot; there won’t be anyone else who can take yours . . . which is probably going to be the worst reminder that I lost my spot to her.

*Sigh*

I've decided a long time that..

To forget you than forgive you. Besides, you're not worth being included in my life. I would tell you this face to face but this is a blog and I hope you read it, to know that I don't want to be friends with you anymore. That's it. What you said, I'll never forget. It will haunt me for the rest of my fucking life now, thank to you. I hope you think back and talk to yourself that it was wrong to say that, but, it's too late to change it. A person like should grow up too. I'm already am, and that's forgetting you. See? I'm not making bullshit nor spreading rumors. I'm just forgetting you. You clearly have no idea what you're doing now, do you? Well, you're old enough to know what you're doing now, you can't always run back to your high school friends, especially when they're younger than you. Especially to me.

I can't look at you the same anymore. That time when you said those revolting lines, it made me sick. Sick to know that my once close friend(almost like a sister to me) could've said that. What I don't like about you is that you're so disobedient.

I don't hate you, I just dislike you. It'd probably take me a while to forget you, but I can manage it. You're simply not worth thinking of! I'm just being honest here. Even if that was joke(well was it? pffft, I don't think so!)I STILL WOULDN'T FORGIVE YOU.

If we have an outing and YOU'RE invited, I'd be pissed because I don't want you there. I want to tell the others not because I want them to hate you, but, if they ask, I'm telling them, I'm not going to make up fucking bullshit, because it ain't getting you no where.

YOU WERE LIKE A BIG SISTER TO ME - NOW YOU MEAN NOTHING TO ME - NOT ONE SINGLE BIT. AND THAT WILL NEVER CHANGE. YOU SHOULD'VE THOUGHT TWICE WHAT YOU SAID, BUT NO! YOU DIDN'T..

I would like it a lot if you would keep a LONGGGGGG DISTANCEEEEEE AWAYYYY FROMMMM MEEEEE. CAPICHE?

Bye.

We need to talk.

I need to talk with you. Seriously, I really need to. Like now? I mean right now. Because I have tons of things kept in my heart and it just make my tears fall every midnight. Somehow, I just don't realize it. So, I really really need to talk with you and honestly, I am NOT okay, either fine. I am just pretending.

<3

You don't know how much it hurts.

Sometimes, I hate myself for caring too much. Yes, I’m damn sensitive, you heard that right. I hate it how I start getting paranoid when I feel like you’re going to get back with your ex. You don’t know how much it hurts when it feels like you’re too busy for me. I’m sorry for being such a selfish fool.

x

DAMN!

I should've said HI! DAMMIT, THAT WAS MY CHANCE!!!! I'M SO ANGRY WITH MYSELF!! :@ YOU LOOK UNHAPPY, I HOPE I'M NOT THE REASON. I'M SORRY....==' I REALLY AM SORRY!!!! I WILL BE BRAVE NEXT TIME OKAY?!?!?!/

xo

Why? :(

I’ve never loved someone the way I love you, why do you have to be famous?

It's hard.

It's hard to sleep when deep down you're hurting and nobody has a clue. You know it's hard to sleep because you're up thinking about what could've happened, what would've happened, and why things didn't happen. You know it's hard to sleep when your heart aches so bad that you're willing to love that person through all the trouble and pain whether they're aware of what you're going through or not. And most of all, you know it's hard to sleep because you're wondering just when you'll be okay again.

My confessions to you.

I've never met anyone like you in my life. We've had some serious ups and downs, and yet here we are, back to the beginning. And I'm in love with you more than I've ever been with anyone else. I hold so much love for you I barely know what to do with it. More importantly, I've realized I want to spend my life with you. I want to have kids with you, and I want to grow old with you. I want to be able to hold your hand, kiss you, and hold you whenever I want too because you'll be mine, and our love will have lasted. I love you for everything you are, for who you are, for what you are, and more importantly, for who you will be. You're the only person I'd want to share my life with, because you're the only person I've realized I can't live without. This sounds desperate and clingy, and needy. But it's the truth, because I'd be nothing if I didn't have you by my side. I love you. So promise me, you'll realize how much you want to be with me, how much you love me, and how much you really want the same future as me. Because a day without you wouldn't be worth living.

<3

Sigh..

I fucking miss you, that's all I've got to say right now.

I'm having second thoughts...

Why would I have positive and negative thoughts about you?!? I always say I miss you and all(nor direct or indirect, just on blogs like this) but , I just don't think you're worth it anymore. I always get jealous, I don't know why. I just want you to all myself. Yes, that may seem selfish but you don't know how it will take for a girl to forget everything that she had shared with you! I wish you could tell me straight up how you think of me and what feelings you have of me, or vice versa. I can't do this, let alone complaining about it to myself everytime. I always have doubtful thought that you don't even like me, and I think those doubtful thoughts are coming true. By thinking of this, it lowers my confidence in talking to you, and I hate how things are at the moment. It just sickens me. I wish I was never into boys until I reached university, but I guess this is a lesson learnt to everyone who've dated in their younger years - And I guess that it's just a preparation for us.

ARGGHH, I can't take it anymore, someone shoot me, please.
FUCK YOU HORMONES, FUCK YOU.

X

Okay, so some time ago you wanted me to go on msn so you can webcam with me.

I started to get happy because, I thought to myself 'hey, does he miss talking to me? does he actually noticed me not going on msn anymore?' I wondered to myself. Now, it just gone weird...again. You wouldn't even want to talk to me - I always seem to be the one that's trying hard. I know you would always start talking to me, but I wondered why. The reason why I want to talk to you is because I just do. Not because I'm bored and all, but because I miss talking to you. We would talk and/or webcam for hours and hours, passing out bedtime. I really miss those days.

Even seeeing you makes me happy. I should say hi to you if I walk passed you or vice versa. I don't want to be scared anymore.

Do you ever think of me? Because everday and night, I would always think of you. There never was a day where I stopped thinking about you.

<3

I’m being too sensitive again. I should really stop, I’m just causing my own emotional pain.

"Teenage Dream" - Official Lyric Video

You make me feel like I'm living a TEENAGE DREAM! <3

Misanthropy

http://weheartit.com/entry/3343517

I dislike you, very much.

Anyways, you're disgusting - Me: I'm sorry, i'm not interested, I'm not bi. You: Maybe I can change it ;).'' Seriously, WHO THE FUCK SAYS THAT?! Lol, you can’t change your sexuality for someone, you idiot. I asked someone for their opinion, and they would be scared shitless too. Look, if you are what I think you are, then I insists you to keep your mouth shut, if someones interested, then they are, but don't fucking go for people that have interest. But seriously, who would say that? It's just hysterically wrong! I know people who are like that, and I don't see them going around saying stuff like what you did. I know they wouldn't, because they're not wrong like you! And now whenever I talk to you, it's as though I'm living in INSANITY - YOU DRIVE ME FUCKING CRAZY TO MAX, AND IT'S A PISS OFF!!!! :@

Sure, I'm sad that we're not as close anymore, but you know why? You changed for the worse. I don't even what the fucks going through your mind. If it's problems at home or whatever, DON'T TAKE IT ON YOUR FUCKING CLOSE FRIENDS ALRIGHT?! IT'S JUST NOT FUCKINF FAIR, YOU KNOW. Yeah yeah, people change, I know, but you changed very weird way. So weird, I don't know how to talk to you properly anymore. Sometimes I feel like you're trying to flirt with me! +o( Do you know how uncomfortable it feels?!

And you know what? You can go QQ if I don't want you to be my date for the formal. It's not even your formal anyway. I already have someone, so need for another one.

Look, I'm just being honest here. If people doesn't like what they see, then that's their problem. I'm typing here what I want to type. We're all human right? You can't always be nice to that person, unless they're willing to be nice back to you. Okay? Okay :)

And sorry the rage, I just need to let a whole lof of steam out of me, before I explode.

Bye x

Okay, so yesterday night I watched 'A Nightmare On Elm Street.'

Fuck, some parts of the movie were so disturbing! Some parts in the movie were pretty predictable haha, but then I would be wrong and get scared! Overall the movie was okay, but props for making me scream, director!

Anyways short post, bye.

I had a dream...

I had a dream that you and I had D&M conversation. It was about you confessing how much you broke my heart, and how you made me sad. You felt really guilty, which made me sad too. I seriously thought that I was going to burst out in tears in my dreams, but I was fine. But in my dream, you called me 'sweety'. I remember the time when you would always call me that. It hurts me sometimes how we're not as opened as other people. They would go up to the person they used to love and confessed to them. Why can't I do it? I know I can, it' just that, there are things that are holding me back from doing it.

But the one thing that really concerns me is you, not having the same feeling back for me...I would have positive thoughts about you, but then comes the negative thoughts. I really hate thinking what can happen to me if you didn't love me back. I just wish you can read my blog, but you won't be able to see it anyway, since I didn't put the links anywhere. But this is what a blog is for. To let all your feelings of sorrow, love, hatred, happiness and so on. And this is where I write things about you, ________ .

You know, I hated that time when you broke up with me, you said that I can 'find someone better than me.' You didn't know how much it fucking hurts when you said those words. It's heartbreaking, you know!! And me, reminscising those hurtful times, makes me want to cry even more...and yes, you probably realised that early last year, I was down, and people thought that I was depressed - YES I WAS DEPRESSED, I WAS SO DOWN, I COULDN'T EVEN PUT A SMILE ON MY FACE. I HAD TO ANNOY PEOPLE WITH MY COMPLAINTS OF HOW MUCH YOU HURT ME, AND WHAT YOU DID TO ME. But, I forgave you....

Because you know why? You were my first true love. Out of all three, you were the best one. You understand me, you were always there for me. You would never try to hurt me, you would always figure out a way to make me laugh and smile. You have a good sense of humour. And when I was with you, I felt to protected and felt like the luckiest girl in the world.

I don't know what went wrong, but I would love to fix it up and go for another try to be with you, but only you're willing to do the same thing. You have to follow your heart.

Sure, there's plenty of guys out there for me - No, you make me feel complete, and I just want to be with you, and, only you.. And I know, it has been a year since you've broke up with me, and it's been two years since I loved you, but I don't care because I can't get over you!

I love you with all my heart, and always will.

Kim x.

A re-cap of a few days ago and today

Today I finally talked to him - on msn. I KNOW, I can't do it face to face, the fact that he's always around his friends, and I get embarrassed..sucks, right? Anyways, our conversation was pretty short, due to the fact that he was getting ready to go to a house party, haha. HAVE FUN, EVEN THOUGH YOU WON'T SEE THIS MESSAGE =). AND soon, I will go up to him and talk, or maybe just say a simple 'hello' will do. Hehehe...

And what's even more conspicuous is that he always sees me looking at him. Dammit!:$ But oh well, I love looking in his eyes, they're so dreamy, and his smile, and it brightens my day up. Everything about him makes me want to go for a second chance for him. Because maybe it was my fault that our relationship went down the line. Maybe I was too young and naive to know anything. It's funny how he still gives me butterflies in my stomach -gushes-. He just, makes me feel so good. Even if I'm only takling to him for a bit, I would smile, AND I WOULD KEEP THAT SMILE ON MY FACE =)

________, YOU'LL ALWAYS PUT A BIG SMILE ON MY FACE, AND YOU'LL NEVER FAIL TO DO THAT BECAUSE I'M SIMPLY IN LOVE YOU AND ESPECIALLY YOU'RE GORGEOUS SMILE.

To the people that supported me for liking him again, thank you. I'm happy because you guys knew how I felt about this, and of course, have known me for quite a while and it wouldn't be that hard to pick up how I am.
I know you guys knew what happened that time. You guys supported me through thick and thin, and I couldn't be forever mroe grateful. Without you guys there to help me, who can? Once again, thank you, for everything.

And, to the people that didn't, it's okay. I know you guys said that you can find someone else so much better, but that's not it. We shared a lot of interest and we were connected (and we still are i hope!). I know he did me wrong, but, he was also young and naive. Young people would stupid things that they would regret - but some of them don't regret it. The specific things that happened in the past, stays in the past. Unless that person is willing to bring it up again to have a D&M conversation with you (by this I mean CLOSE FRIENDS having a convo with you).

And to the people that were heartless and went on blabbering about it to everyone, I got nothing to say to you, AT ALL.
So ''t ( -__- ) t'' <-- UP YOURS !!! You fail at keeping a confidential secret! You should not be trusted by anyone. Naming people on blogs are rude, so no, I will not mention the names.

Well I think this post should end now, bye x

Perfect Two - Auburn [Break-Up Version] (remake)

Some of you already heard of this remake (break up version_ of this song- so fcuking sad.

Sometimes I wonder if you ever had feelings for me, even if we both were with someone else. I did have feelings for you nonetheless and for a few moments I felt like you did too. And I still wonder, had you met me before her, would you have picked to be with me instead?